Thank you for your question, most of us have been through a painful breakup and can relate to what you are going through.  A relationship with a man who is emotionally unavailable, already has a partner or is still in love with his ex, will be a roller coaster ride ... you think you can ‘change him’ or that with time ‘he will love you’. But ...  If you continue to be with him, it will keep you stuck, confused and will eat away at your self-esteem.

Breakups are really painful and the pain you feel is very real – When someone breaks up with you, you lose something that is important to you and as far as your brain is concerned, losing something is a threat to your life! And when a threat is present, your brains natural reaction is to react with fear and tell the body to be ready for action. The processing of these emotions of in the brain stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, which then releases a surge of stress chemicals into the bloodstream, including epinephrine (adrenaline), norepinephrine (noradrenaline) and cortisol.

All three stress chemicals assist in creating a fight or flight response. You are literally being traumatized by your own brain chemicals

So how do you move on after a breakup ?

Turn off the Stress Chemicals

First you need to turn off these stress chemicals flowing through your body and then release the chemicals that will soothe your body.

One thing that will help, is to increase the Serotonin and Tryptophan levels in your body. You can do this through diet -

To increase your Serotonin level – eat more pineapple, walnuts, bananas and  kiwi fruit

To increase your Tryptophan level  – eat more turkey, milk, yoghurt, meat, nuts , cheese

Other thinks that will help raise these ‘soothing’ chemicals are -

Vit B Complex supplements

Exercise

Meditation

Talk to friends

Take some time out - Don‘t force yourself to feel better. Be mad, buy a box of chocolate, veg out on the couch and lick your wounds....for a week or so.

Become Complete

In being complete with people, the point is that you are whole, with nothing left hanging over your head or the other person's. You have no emotional charge when you think of the person.

Let go of obsessing about a past love

No one is obsessed when their needs are getting met, we only get obsessed when our emotional needs are not being met. Happily married women do not become obsessed about their husbands (in fact women in long term relationships need to turn back on the lust and desire switch … but that is another workshop! ) Remember being in love means that 2 people feel the same way about each other  - The right partner will pursue you just as much if not more that you pursue them. And the wrong partner isn’t worth your fabulous time, energy, and/or passion.

Let go of Bitterness

If you hold onto a grudge or bitterness, it’s only you who ends up bitter and unhappy, and it prevents you from discovering all the new possibilities that may enter your life. By staying bitter, all you are doing is making yourself unattractive. Let go and Live, if you forget the past, you will get to a better future faster. You need to let go of all the men you have had in your life. You cannot attract your life partner, surrounded by your baggage.

 A breakup  certainly derails you , but how long that moment lasts is completely in your hands.Think about it .. How has feeling depressed and obsessing about your ex cost your life?

-          Your friends and family

-          Your finances

-          Your happiness

-          Your health

-          Your career

-          Your life direction

-          You?

You can choose how long you want the breakup blues to define your life.

That’s right, you have a choice.

What if you could get out of the pain and heartache ?

Imagine if you could let it go and dive into the possibility that you could find true love ?

It’s time to change the love story playing in your mind.

Trust that there is someone better out there for you

Choose to be happy that your ex wasn’t Mr Right and now there’s room for Mr Right to show up.

Recognize that obsessing and continually thinking about your past and your ex are keeping you stuck

 …. Today is the day to step away from your ex and focus on YOUR Future.

 Immediate Steps

Remove any reminders of him from your house ( cards, clothes etc ) If you can't get yourself to throw them out, put the rest of the reminders of your ex in a box or bag and give them to a friend to keep for you.

Delete him from your facebook page, phone and email  list

 
Rewrite your Love Story

It’s time to let go …. It won’t be easy, but you need to let go of the past and rewrite your story

The problem is, most of us are addicted to our story…the painful history that we drag around with us. Maybe it’s our childhood, a divorce, bankruptcy, the death of someone we love or  a painful breakup .

Our story says: “I was abandoned, hurt, rejected, betrayed, unloved, unworthy,  abused, fired, unemployed or bankrupted.” (Insert the verb of your choice.)

 The problem is we BELIEVE our story. We drag that pitiful old story with us into every new job, relationship, and experience. Not only does that story deny our past, but now it denies our future.

From our old story, we create beliefs such as: Bad things have happened to me (such as divorce, loss, being laid off, sick, or broke). Therefore, the world is a dangerous place.

When faced with a new experience, we project our old beliefs into this experience and then sabotage what could have been an amazing opportunity.

Let’s say you fall in love. Instead of being filled with love and optimism, you project fear of being abandoned/dumped/unloved into the new relationship, and thus sabotage it from the beginning.

It’s time to step back from your story and ask: Why did I choose my previous partners?

You need to unlock your story (you may want to book into my Stop Kissing Frogs and Find Your Soulmate Workshop or The Mindset Detox to help you unlock these limiting Love/Relationship Beliefs)

Then ask yourself ….. What do I want my life to look like instead?

Create a vision for your relationship future that makes you happy. It doesn’t matter that you may have never experienced it before. You just have to believe it exists and that healthy love is possible for you.

Today is the day to rewrite your love story. Today is the day you tell yourself a different truth. One that you want to believe. One that will become very real and authentic if you continue to practice your new relationship script.

That script is now changing from “I don’t get the love I want in a  relationship” (or whatever your particular script is) to “I now get the love I deserve in a  relationship !” (Or whatever you want your particular script to be.)

An affirmation for you …. “I allow myself to release all of my lost loves are they are ready to be released today. I am proud of myself. I am doing better than I expected. I am going to be ok no matter what!”

 Do you believe you Deserve or are Worthy of Love?

When you embrace the idea that you deserve love and happiness in your life right now, what you’re actually doing is embracing the Law of Attraction. In doing so, you’re acknowledging your inherent worth. You’re saying yes to a better life, yes to personal fulfilment, and yes to love and happiness - TODAY.

What happens when you say yes to these amazing things?

You start manifesting a more satisfying life         

Emotionally Healthier and happier people gravitate toward you                

New and amazing opportunities come your way              

It’s such a simple, powerful, life-changing shift in your belief system. And it’s such an exciting step in your recovery! I encourage you to start embracing these life shifts.

 Affirm …   “I now know I deserve healthy, happy, whole love.” 

 Give yourself time … You have only been separated for 12 months, take your time. Sometimes when we go straight into a new relationship without dealing with the limiting beliefs and issues from our past relationships we tend to repeat the same mistakes … and we fall in love with the same type of man, or we sabotage our relationships. Do some inner reflection,  discover your inner love story.  Your story (or beliefs) will show you why the partners you choose are not  ‘loving you, as you love them’. 
 

Some more tips to help you ….

Take back your power

Do the Inner Work

Let go of your limiting relationship beliefs that are keeping you stuck

Stop telling the story …. NOW

Become complete with your past relationships

Define your version of Love

Get clear …. What do you need to be happy in a relationship …. And then give it to yourself

Set limits and boundaries on how men treat you, also treat yourself in a way that you'd like men to treat you.  Your self-respect invites them to deal with you in the same way.

Celebrate the Good men in your life … smile at men when they smile at you, say thankyou to the lovely man that opens a door for you, smile when you see couples walking together hand in hand … and say ‘that’s for me’ !

Work on You

Stop beating yourself up

Practice self care

Be compassionate and loving with yourself

Choose to love yourself first – you need to give yourself the love you want first. Having a boyfriend is icing on the cake…   He's part of a bigger whole and shouldn't be the only thing that defines your existence. You don’t need to meet Mr. Right in order to be happy. If we’re looking for a relationship to make us happy, then we are going to be disappointed. The key and most important thing that any of us can do to create an ideal relationship is to do everything and anything that we can see to do to become happier and more fulfilled ourselves. When you are happy and fulfilled in yourself, then what you’ll discover is that meeting that perfect partner, being with that ideal mate, brings just an added joy, an added layer of joy and fulfilment to that happiness and joy that’s already there within.

Fill your calendar with fun activities. You may not feel that this is something you can do. But you really need to do it.

Believe you deserve amazing love

Believe you deserve a man that adores you!

Believe you are worthy of love TODAY exactly as you are

Believe Love wants you too!

 An affirmation for you ….  "I'm good enough for any man and don't need him to 'complete' me."

'The men I love are loving me respectfully'

I hope this has helped S L ...Remember gorgeous …  The secret is to learn to fall in Love with yourself first and be happy and confident with WHO YOU ARE !  Before he can fall in love with you …. You are going to have to fall in love with you !

Kisses Kim xxx

You may be interested in 2 programs I run …

Stop Kissing Frogs and Find Your Soulmate - Discover the Step by Step process for releasing your old love stories, so you stop Kissing Frogs and instead Turn On your Magnetic Power to Attract Your Prince  click here

The Mindset Detox - Do You Feel Weighed Down with Emotional Baggage From Your Past?  Is There Something Holding You Back From Achieving What You Desire in Life ... But You Are Not Sure What it Is? Do You Feel 'Stuck' and Like Your Life is Going Around in Circles?

You know what is is like ...

- Following the same patterns

- Attracting the same situations

- Attracting the same people

- Feeling the same feelings

What if there was something you could do today that could change your life?

The Breaking Free Mindset Detox will show you how to get peace with your past  and transform your self limiting thoughts and beliefs so you are empowered to create greater joy, fulfillment, connection and abundance into your life